looking back and moving forward

WELCOME 2010,
Goodybye 2009 - bad boy!
2009 wasn't a good year for me.. I was just enjoying being 21 for 3 months before i tore my ligament on jan 30.. walking is not longer my thing for that 2 to 3 months.
had my operation on feb 26..

I had a bf back then, someone i din realise was more then a play thing.. I was sad, after the ligament tore he did his best to calm me down. but he did get sick of it.It was during cny and on e 2nd weekend i was stuck at home, he was happily gambling. he did call, text but only a few.We seldom see each other during my rest at home. He was working on weekdays and weekends he complained that i stayed too far.So we dun meet up. Phone was my only way out. I became a little obsessive, wanted to talk more every night. I just got on his nerves. But i guess i wanted more attention,and since i feel so weak n vulenerable inside. Valentine,s was a hard 1. I din enjoy myself. He was kinna pissed. ha. Maybe cause i insist oh him coming or maybe he was quite an ass.
For the 1 month before my op, i went to sch with crutches, leave after lesson. I cant hang out i cant go anywhere. I went for coaching with crutches coach verbally and signalling i cant demostraight.
Remembered 1 day it was pouring, after the game, i was stuck in it, wet, cant get a cab.. good thing was, it was not really a long wait,about 10 mins but every second before the cab came, i felt like shit, drenched.
After the last day of my lesson i had my operation. It was a 8am slot woke up very early to go to e hospital. Soon into lala land. by the time i woke up it was around 1.30p.m. Took a bit of food but i cant really eat. Sis got me ikea hotdog i had a few mouths. I was constantly feeling dizzy. I vomitted all e food out. Whatever i try to eat later came out. For the whole time he din come to see me, only exchange texts at night.He said he try to, but i dun see how hard it was. Alone in e hospital i cried really hard and keeping very quiet. I know deep inside its never gonna work. I know i'm nt his thing.

After e operation, i am like a caged bird, home was my cage even thou having keys, i only go out when there's coaching, revision lectures, or physios and doctor appointment. Otherwise i'm none other then a liability to others.
I have a hard time openning e glass door in sim. either hand on cruthes or door. i have to be really fast ha. Cant take public transport except my only way of transport cab.Every trip to sch n home was about 25 bucks. Wonder how much stuffs i can buy with that. Have to answer 90% of the time, hey wad happen to u.? hate this question.

Days that i have none, i woke up at noon waited everyday till dinner and eat my 1st and my only meal. Slept only late into the night.Cause i dun want my family to see me sad, or cry and i hate this feeling of waking up to another endless long day. Especially morning when no 1 will be there for me. Weekends always felt the longest, everyone's home yet i have nothing to do all day.
I cant put myself to study. i cant do work. Aimlessly pass long days and night.
I even hated looking at facebook and see where my frens been to all e clubbing stuff.. got obsessed over emo songs, lyrics .
It was endless.
I went for my 1st doc appt. hoping to hear good news as my physios felt that i made good improvement, but all i got was bad news. Doctor advised or rather told me that i have to avoid walking for 6 weeks in order for my meniscus to recover. another 6 weeks at home was e worst to expect.. I broke off with him. maybe he did with me. I cant talk or dicuss anything with him. I never had the chance to. i hold on to hopes yet i see no finish line.

Road to recovery was always hard, especially when my injury was so bad. Hated to have to warm e bench when my fellow teammates train. Hated to have to start from scratch and i cant perform. hated to see my girls suffer as i cant bring out the best in them.

As predicted, my exams results sucks. failed 2 managed to pass 2,
My rabbit died last year. PuiPui
I lost my 21st present ,camera from my besties. ( ok my fault)

I dun wann repeat history. I am not looking back anymore..
I befriended this exil ex bofriend.. but i'm not that me before.
I'm prettier, smarter, better and more confident abt the me then. Some said i slimmed down but i rather think that it was a loss of muscle mass and of cuz e emo period which i din eat much. Mayb i sld be a little thankful that he did have regrets.

I always wanted to thank u, G- thanks for bringing a crippled to the movies, accompany her to her game, help her, console her, talk to her on her worst nights, cheer her up , cared for her, got her flowers. (ur e 1st to give me a rose on valentines! ), burn movie to watch with her, came all e way down to accomoany her, ba gua that made my day in e hospital, canberry juice, BIG FOOT!!, brought me to hospital for my scan. THANKS SO MUCH!!
And sorry for, all e shit i've been like. drastic mood swings, taking for granted etc..
I'm so happy u found e right girl in ur life! I think i'm blessed to have a great friend like u!! =))

WEll its not all that sad. but it just was not a good start.
i got chloe,peppy, many new friends.. A new bf. And i loved myself more.
and a gucci bag for bday!!

Lets hope 2010 is a way better year!
Study hard, gym hard.